


The Best Thing

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas, Dean/Castiel - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Kenna - Freeform, M/M, Sabriel - Freeform, human!Cas, kevin/anna - Freeform, sam/gabriel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-30 05:31:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starts with nightmares, snow, and a lake behind a hill. Previously on fanfiction.net with the same title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_He was running. He was going as fast as he could on the purgatory soil with his broken foot. He limped and ran, but it was no good. He grabbed the hand of his friend, before he fell to the ground. And all he could do was let out a broken sob, and choke out the last words he would hear._

_"I'm sorry..." He whispered, before his friend and the man he had loved for so long, was dragged away by the invisible dog, and he was forced to watch as the broken angel was ripped to shreds against a tree. And as he finally got up and dragged his leg behind him, he fell beside him, and watched as his eyes went wide with fear. He held him, watching the blood drip through his fingers, and suddenly he couldn't tell who was dying faster. And he watched with terror as his eyes slowly glazed over, and he took his last breath._

* * *

He sat up with a muffled sob. He could barely breathe, and his eyes burned with tears. His foot hurt extremely and he looked up to see Sam and Castiel hovering over him.

"Dean? Are you with us?" Sam asked frantically. Dean tried to speak but no words came out. He quickly stood and limped to the bathroom, turning on the shower and slamming the door, before crying as he slid his back down the wall. Every night, a different nightmare would come. Some where both Sam and Cas died, but other times just Cas. Sometimes it was him, being killed by Sam and Cas, watching as they beat and cut him, telling him he was worthless. This time it had been worse. Him hands were still shaking and his legs were trembling.

"Dean! Open the door, I need to make sure you don't have a concussion!" Sam yelled through the noise. Finally Dean stood and only then realized how badly his foot hurt. He splashed cold water on his face, and after the redness was gone, finally turned off the sink and shower, before turning and opening the door. He limped out into his bedroom, and looked at them both. Sam and Cas both had a mix of emotion on their faces; worry and fear. Dean looked at them confused. Sometimes Sam came in when he started talking in his sleep, and Cas had refused to leave his side, so he usually woke him up. That was when he noticed, there was a cut across Cas' shoulder.

"D-Did I do that?" He asked quietly, staring in terror at that large gash. Cas nodded, trembling slightly.

"Dean... You were screaming... And flailing around and you had drool all over your face- you looked like you were having a seizure! Your arms and legs were shaking so bad that when I tried to hold you down you grabbed the knife on the table and tried to kill me! When Cas walked over to the bed you grabbed him and started flailing again, that's why his arm is like that- open your eyes and follow my finger ok? I need to see if you have a concussion." Sam finally calmed down.

"W-Why would I?" He stuttered.

"You hit your head pretty hard against the headboard, and your leg hit the back of the bedpost." Sam explained. Instead of snapping at him, he relented and let Sam check him over, too tired to protest. Finally, he was done, and after wrapping his ankle and foot in a bandage, and putting an ice bag over it, he left, saying to yell if anything happened.

"Dean? Are you alright?" Cas asked shyly, watching him from the edge of the room. He was wearing Deans old acdc t-shirt, and sweat pants.

"Cas... I'm so sorry..." Dean whispered. He suddenly remembered his dream, and choked back a sob as he tried to compose himself. He didn't want Cas to see him cry.

"Dean- it's alright- you can cry- at least, that's what you always tell me..." Cas muttered, slowly sitting down beside him on the bed. Just a few days ago, Sam had gotten better, and after Cas came home, he had demanded he sleep in the same bed as Dean. He never admitted it, but Dean knew he was afraid, so he let him. Every night after that Cas had a nightmare, and Dean always would tell him it was ok to cry, to talk about it, and then he would eventually fall asleep again.

"Cas- I hurt you-" Dean started, his hands and body still shaking lightly.

"Dean, it looks worse than it is- it doesn't hurt- you need to relax..." Cas tried to comfort him, placing his hand on Deans shoulder where the scar was. In a split second, Dean was full-blown sobbing, curling into a ball with his head on his knee, with his hurt leg stretched out.

"Dean- I'm sorry-" Cas said quickly.

"You didn't make it Cas- the hell hounds got you- and I couldn't save you- and I watched you die!" Dean said, strangling back another cry, but failing when the tears fell.

"Dean... I-I'm fine... I'm right here... You were just dreaming..." Cas said quietly, not sure what to do. He had never even seen Dean let one tear go, much less this. He cautiously pulled Dean in towards him, helping him get his leg under the covers, and hugging him. He was cautious at first, since Dean was so defensive about his feelings, but he went quiet when Dean grabbed his shirt and pulled him tighter.

"I-It's alright... I'll watch over you Dean..." Cas whispered in shock. But that only made Dean cry harder, pulling him closer, needing to know this was real. That he was still alive.

"Please don't cry Dean..." Cas finally choked out, letting a shaky breath out and trying not to cry himself. He always felt the same as the hunter. And so when he was upset, it made Cas upset as well. Instead of trying to respond, Dean buried his face in his shirt, and breathed in the scent of him deeply, finally gaining control over himself.

"Cas... I'm sorry I hurt you- I thought I was fighting a hell hound..." Dean admitted, sniffing quietly. He finally seemed to realize what was going on, and pulled away from Cas, turning bright red and looking around.

"I-I need some air." He said quickly, getting out of the bed and limping downstairs. Cas followed him, sadly watching his back. He had always had this strange feeling around Dean, and he always assumed it was the angelic bond from the handprint, but it only got stronger when he turned human. He watched sadly as Dean got a cup of water and put it in the microwave, then waited as it heated up. After a minute, he took it out and put the hot chocolate mix into the cup, grabbing a blanket and walking outside. He quietly followed, but he gave himself away when he had to open the bunker door.

"Cas- why are you following me?" Dean almost snapped, but then he immediately regretted it when he saw the hurt look on Cas' face.

"I-I'm sorry- I'll leave you to think." Cas said sadly, starting to walk away. He was already getting cold in the winter air.

"No- Cas- wait- I didn't mean to say it like that- I'm sorry-" Dean quickly tried to apologize. Cas took the hint that he truly wasn't trying to be rude, and slowly walked back over.

"Dean... Why do you do that?" Cas asked sadly. Dean looked at him confused, then patted the car next to him. He slid over, putting half the blanket over Cas' shoulders.

"Why do you... Always run away when I get close to you..." Cas clarified, looking over at Dean sadly.

"I-I just- I mean- It's... Complicated..." Dean said quietly, looking away.

"I don't like it... I always feel... What I believe... Is sadness... When you run away from me..." Cas said, surprising Dean when he looked over to see Cas with an embarrassed expression.

"I'm sorry... How about a break from this? Tomorrow I'll take you to see something only I know about. Then we can just... Relax. Does that sound ok?" Dean asked shyly. Cas nodded shyly, looking away and blushing, and Dean watched him, telling himself it was just the chill in the air that was changing his skin color as well.

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Cas? You ready?" Dean called. Sam had heard about them going to see something, but when Dean told him it was private, Sam had just snickered and told him to be careful. It was around 5:00pm, but they had only waited because Dean wanted the sun to be going down when they went out, even though there were clouds covering it.

"Dean? Are you sure this is good?" Cas questioned. He had on boots, two pairs of socks, a pair of black snow pants, and a thick navy-blue jacket that Dean had given too him. Surprisingly, he didn't look bulky or large in all the clothes. Dean had on the same thing, but his jacket was navy-green.

"I-I'm sure- a few inches of snow never hurt anyone! Lets go!" Dean said happily. Before Cas could respond, Dean grabbed a small duffel bag and pulled him out the door. Cas looked around him in wonder. He watched the tiny white flakes fall from the sky, and when one touched his face, he lightly brushed his fingers over it, feeling it melt under the touch.

"I-I've never felt snow... I have never felt before at all..." Cas admitted. Dean watched in humor as he lightly put his foot to the snow, blinking in curiosity when it crunched under his boot. After another minute of him softly examining it, he let Dean lead him away. After a few minutes of walking through the trees, they finally came to a stop.

"Dean, why did you stop?" Cas asked. He looked ahead, but didn't see anything but a drop-off.

"Follow me..." Dean said happily. Cas followed curiously, and was surprised when he stopped at the edge on the drop, over looking a frozen lake, with a small sandy shore and grassy area on the other side, and hills all around, ensuring no one could get in.

"What's this?" Cas asked in wonder.

"This is for ice skating. I made a way down, follow me." Dean said cheerfully, motioning to the right. He slowly walked along the edge, holding onto trees and walking down the slick hill. At the bottom, he led Cas around the trees, and finally broke out into the open again. Cas looked closer and noticed a bench in the wet sand, where the sand had melted the snow. He followed Dean out to the wet, sandy shore, and he watches as Dean ushered him over to the bench. They sat down quietly, before Cas finally spoke up.

"Dean? What's ice skating?" He asked curiously.

"I'll teach you, now put these on, just like shoes." Dean smiled, pulling out a pair of black shoes with blades on the bottom from the bag he brought. He pulled another pair out, a white pair, and slid off his boots, then put them on. Cas copied him warily, but stopped when he had gotten them both on. He tied one, but suddenly was unable to look away from Deans hair. The way the snowflakes stuck in his hair, it was hard not to watch.

"Cas? W-What is it?" Dean asked nervously. Cas seemed to snap out of his thoughts and turned more red than he already was, before tying the other ice skate.

"Ok, hold my hands." Dean shyly instructed, knowing how that would sound. Cas tilted his head, eyes widening rather than squinting, and Dean noticed how he swallowed nervously.

"A-Alright..." Cas stuttered, wondering why he was nervous. Then he realized. That was what he felt. He loved Dean. And Dean just asked him to hold his hands. He suddenly understood why humans were always nervous when they were attracted to someone. They didn't want to mess anything up. Cas finally took hold of both Deans hands, and looked up, to see Dean was watching him.

"Uh- right- ok- so you stay there, while I walk out there ok? I need to make sure it's safe to stand on so we don't fall through." Dean explained, finally giving up and pulling his hands away from Cas.

"Wait! What if you fall through?!" Cas asked panicked.

"If I do, then you crawl over to me and pull me out. But if it's not stable, you need to leave me ok? Keep yourself safe and go get Sam. Got it?" Dean questioned. Cas nodded with fright, then watched with terror as Dean took the first steps out. He slowly tapped his foot out with each step, and when he got towards the very middle, he threw a rock as hard as he could at the center. When it did nothing, he slowly slid out to it, and stuck his pocket knife into the ice. It didn't even go all the way through.

"Ok, it's safe!" Dean said cheerfully, slowly moving back to Cas.

"Ok, don't go near the center or the edges just in case." Dean warned. Cas nodded, but then stopped when he realized he wasn't sure how to walk on the blades.

"Come on, I'll teach you." Dean assured him, seeing him hesitate. Finally he held out a hand and Cas relaxed slightly, laying his hand onto Deans. He slowly took a step, then another, and found it was not that hard. But as he tried to stand on the ice his pride faded. He instantly fell down, dragging Dean down on top of him. Thankfully his legs were apart, so his feet weren't under Deans stomach. The blades were of course dangerously sharp. Cas started to feel sick, embarrassment flooding over any other emotion he could have. But before he could say anything, Dean started laughing.

"Dean, please don't laugh at me..." Cas said quietly, looking away sadly.

"Ah- no- I'm sorry Cas, I'm just laughing because... I thought I would be the one to fall first..." Dean finally admitted, trying to see his reaction.

"Plus your face was hilarious..." Dean said quietly. Slowly Cas lightened, giving that tiny hint of a smile like he always did. Finally Dean stood up, helping Cas get up with him.

"Ok, just go slow, you need to learn to balance." Dean explained.

"I just... Walk?" Cas asked carefully.

"Yah, like this." Dean demonstrated by slowly taking a step, and sliding a little. He glided a few more steps, then slid back towards him. Cas tried to copy him, but started wobbling from nervousness. Dean instantly grabbed arms, locking eyes with him.

"S-Sorry... You looked like you might fall..." Dean said quickly.

"No, it's ok, can I..." Cas trailed off. Dean slowly let go, but Cas grabbed his cold hand, and Dean smiled, leading Cas out further. After that he seemed to catch on quickly. He was able to glide over the ice on his own, and eventually they were racing each other across the lake.

"Do you wanna go again?" Dean asked breathlessly.

"I-I would enjoy that." Cas panted, looking at Dean as he counted down. When he heard Dean start skating, he followed quickly, but he almost screamed when he realized he was about to fall. Dean spun sharply, grabbing his hand, but because of the speed he had been going, they started spinning. He quickly pulled Cas upright, laughing as they spun faster. Dean put his arms around Cas' waist, and Cas put his arms around Deans neck in panic. Although after a minute, he started enjoying it. Not the spinning, but the feeling of Dean holding him. When they finally slowed down, Cas had his head on Deans shoulder, and his arms around Dean, while Dean had his hands on Cas' hips and nose buried in Cas' snow-covered hair. After a minute they fell down, Cas on top of Dean, and both too dizzy to get up.

"S-Sorry..." Cas apologized quietly, now realizing how close together their faces were.

"Yah..." Dean nodded, staring at his eyes, then nose, then finally stopping at his slightly pale lips. The cold was starting to get intolerable. Cas had now started to get up and Dean knew he should try to get up too, so before he could control himself, he sat up quicker than Cas could, and accidentally pushed his lips against Cas'. He froze in fear, and jerked back when he realized Cas was frozen in place.

"S-Sorry..." Dean said immediately. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he had enjoyed it, but Cas looked like he was frozen in sheer terror. But Dean started talking before he could stop himself from ruining it.

"That was my first kiss-" Cas said in wonder, but was cut off by Deans babbling and ranting.

"I am so sorry- it was an accident- I swear- I didn't mean to-" Dean rambled, stopping when the faint smile on Cas' face disappeared.

"Oh..." Was all he said.

"Y-You wanna go back to the bunker?" Dean offered lamely. Cas nodded, feeling suddenly not in the mood for fun.

"Hey- look I'm sorry- I didn't mean to upset you... I-I just... I guess I just sat up too quickly or something... I'm sorry if I hurt you... Or freaked you out..." Dean apologized as they were putting back on their boots. When Cas didn't acknowledge him, he shyly put a hand towards Cas' hand, and when Cas stopped he put a hand over his, and put his fingers slowly around the pale hand.

"I-I didn't mean to offend you..." Dean said lamely. Cas tensed again, and tried to pull away, but Dean held on to his hand.

"I-It wasn't bad-" he said quickly, before he could control himself. Cas immediately calmed down, his face turning more red than it was. Finally he looked up, smiling slightly, which made Deans jaw drop. Just as he was about to say something, Cas seemed to realize that he was staring, and looked away quickly.

"L-Lets go back to the bunker." Cas said quickly, watching as Dean lead them out, a puzzled expression on his face. He had just admitted it wasn't bad, and Cas smiled. He had just SMILED. When they were finally back at the bunker though, was when Dean and Cas were shocked.


	3. Chapter 3

"Sam?! What the hell?!" Dean yelled, as they were pummeled by snowballs.

"Ow!" Cas yelled as a large one hit his face.

"Cas! Go inside!" Dean yelled, blocking him from the snow. Sam just laughed and threw more, seeing Dean block him like it was an actual threat. Once they were finally inside, and after Dean had tackled Sam into a giant snowmound, throwing it down his shirt and pants, they both smiled. Dean felt proud and Cas was still giddy from the accidental kiss.

"Cas- you're turning red- are you ok?" Dean asked worried. Cas just blushed harder, thinking of the kiss and seeing Dean under him.

"Cas? Seriously, you ok? Come on, you need to warm up. Take off all those clothes and go in the bathroom. I'll bring in dry clothes in a minute." Dean told him. Cas did what he said, setting the wet clothes next to the fireplace. Sam had to get a fellow hunter to install the fireplace, but he had known their reputation and swore on his life (which he knew they would easily take from him) to never give away the location. The fireplace itself was in front of the large couch, and it had a dark, wine-red, cushioned armchair on both sides. There was a flat screen tv over the fire, and hooks hanging under it. Just as he had finished putting down all the wet things, except his underwear, which he kept on, Dean walked in. He shrieked and threw his hand over his eyes, then handed him the clothes, and Cas hid behind the chair. He quickly put his wet clothes down by the fire, then went to the kitchen. Cas put on the dark, forest-green, cotton, v-neck t-shirt, then the black sweat pants. Dean was wearing a similar pair of sweat pants, and then Cas noticed it.

"Here, this'll warm you up, careful, it's hot." Dean said, handing him a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, but Cas had never seen it before. Dean sat down quietly in the chair on the left, while Cas was against the arm of the couch on the right.

"Dean... What is this?" Cas asked quietly. He stared at the liquid, but soon looked back up at Dean, who was staring at him through half-lidded eyes.

"Are you... Are you wearing the shirt I wore yesterday?" Cas asked shyly, which snapped Dean back to reality.

"I-It's hot chocolate- it's good- try some of it." Dean insisted, blushing furiously. Cas tilted his head, and looked at Dean curiously.

"Dean... Are you wearing the shirt I wore yesterday?" Cas asked again. After getting no answer, he looked closer, and realized it was, in fact, the acdc shirt he had worn just yesterday. But he knew if he questioned Dean, he would be angry, so he let it go. He looked over, and saw that Dean was getting a fuzzy blanket from behind him. It had a dark plaid pattern, and little pieces of cloth sticking out along the edges. He involuntarily shivered, and Dean looked over, sighing and handing it too him. Cas looked over thankfully, but when Dean shivered a little, Cas gently laid a hand over his, pulling him onto the couch.

"Cas, w-what're you doing?" Dean stuttered, letting Cas pull him into a standing position. Cas gently wrapped the enormous blanket over the couch, then sat back down. When Dean sat down, he pulled one end of the blanket over Deans shoulder and into his lap, then did the same for himself. He handed the tv remote to Dean, and picked up his marshmallow filled hot chocolate, taking a sip of it. Immediately Dean blushed, feeling the heat from Cas around him, and the feeling of their legs brushing. He quickly turned on the tv, picking some cheesy holiday movie, which looked like a romantic comedy, and looked up at the title. Christmas With Holly. But he wasn't paying attention. He was still staring at Cas, who was drinking the hot chocolate slowly.

"Dean... This drink... It makes me... Very happy..." Cas smiled. He chuckled and looked over, breaking into a full smile as he saw the marshmallow fluff on his lip.

"Cas- you- nevermind, let me." Dean smiled, putting a hand against his cheek and running his thumb along Cas' top lip. Suddenly his smile went away, as they locked eyes and froze. Dean sucked in a breath, while Cas gently put the empty mug down.

"S-Sorry..." Dean forced out. Yet he didn't pull away. He knew he should, but he couldn't make himself do it. Cas felt the same. He knew he should push Dean away, he wouldn't be able to keep doing this if Dean didn't feel the same. And yet, he stayed where he was, blinking and swallowing nervously.

"I-I uh- sorry..." Dean forced out, finally lowering his hand and clearing his throat. The rest of the movie went by calmly. Sam had come in, taken a shower, and left for bed, and by nine the movie was ending. Dean didn't bother to change the channel. He looked over to see Cas' head starting to droop as he struggled to stay awake.

"Dean? Can I... Can I..." Cas trailed off, laying his head on Deans shoulder and smiling as his eyes closed. Dean blinked in surprise, but didn't try to move him. Instead he pulled the pillows to his end of the couch, laying back against them. Cas whined in protest, opening his eyes again. Dean looked up, seeing Cas' disappointed face, and pulled him down on top of his chest. Dean could feel the thumping of Cas' heart, and felt it speed up when he pulled Cas up to his neck. Cas snuggled into his neck, blushing when he realized what he was doing. He looked down in shame, but was still smiling. Dean just looked at him. He couldn't feel the same. But then why was he smiling? Maybe he was just glad that Dean hadn't left. He did tend to have nightmares. Yah. That was it. So he fell asleep thinking of how he wished Cas would just see. That he would feel how strong the bond between them really was.

* * *

_He was running. Running as fast as he could. He knew he was loosing him, but he also knew he couldn't. And suddenly he saw it. Saw Dean going up to the thing that tried to kill him. Saw it morph into Dean, and leave him dead. And he was screaming. Screaming for Dean. Saying to never leave him. Saying it should have been him. Then it was chasing him, running after him with a bloodthirsty look that he knew wasn't Dean, and yet was all Dean inside and out. And as he caught up, pinning Cas against a tree, he looked him in the eyes. And he said the worst thing that he could ever hear._

_'I will NEVER love you.'_

_And he left him against that tree, knowing he didn't need to kill him, and that he had already inflicted the worst injury. And as Cas sat there he finally realized. He knew why he felt this way, and why he never told Dean. Because if he did, he would have put them both in danger. Dean from everyone that would use Cas as a way to kill him, and Cas from Dean saying he didn't feel the same. Because he wouldn't be able to function without that hope. And so he sat in silence, knowing he hadn't been able to tell Dean he loved him in time. And so he screamed. Screamed as loud as he could, until the hell hounds found him, and ripped him to shreds. But he didn't feel any pain. The damage was done._


	4. Chapter 4

He heard Dean screaming his name, and he sat up in tears, screaming from his dream. Sam was at full alert, running down the stairs into the room. Cas was on the floor, crying and hyperventilating, curled up into a ball. Dean was his side instantly, cradling the screaming former angel in his arms.

"Cas! Hey, look at me! It's ok! I'm right here! You're gonna be ok now. It wasn't real. Sam, get him some water!" Dean yelled, making Sam rush off to the kitchen.

"Cas, you're ok now, I'm right here, it's gonna be fine... I'll never leave you... I promise..." Dean whispered. Cas snapped up, looking Dean in the eyes, and staring at his in shock. He breathed in, trying to stop crying, but it wouldn't stop. Sam walked back in, helping move him upstairs with Dean. He handed the water to Cas, who sniffled and took a small sip, before starting to cough violently as it went up his nose. Dean sat him up, patting his back and holding tissues in front of his face. After he had stopped coughing, he nodded at them, indicating that he was ok, and Sam patted his shoulder, leaving the room.

"Cas... I-I heard you... I heard you saying that... You said that... That you didn't want me to leave, and that it should have been you... And then you started screaming and went still, and I thought-" Dean stopped, his voice cracking.

"I thought you had a stroke and died or something... You were so still..." Dean admitted, pulling him a little closer. Cas snuggled up to him, feeling the way Dean wrapped his arms around Cas.

"Say it again Dean. Promise me you won't leave me." Cas whispered.

"I-I promise. I will never leave you." Dean assured him, letting Cas put his head on Deans chest. After a minute he heard the muffled sobs and looked down at Cas.

"No, please don't cry, you're ok now." Dean insisted.

"I'm sorry Dean... I don't know why I am crying. That is usually an emotional symptom of fear or sadness... But I feel... Assurance... And happiness... And relief..." Cas explained. Dean smiled down at him, running blunt nails over his head.

"Go back to sleep now... I'll be here when you wake up." Dean promised.

* * *

"Cas? Hey, wake up. I'm going to get a shower, I wanted to tell you so you wouldn't get scared." Dean said quietly. Cas groaned and snuggled up to him, making Dean blink in surprise. Suddenly he pulled back, seeming to realize what he was doing.

"S-Sorry Dean- I didn't mean to do that-" Cas started.

"I-It's ok- besides, you were fine with it last night." Dean chuckled.

"I-I did that last night too?!" Cas asked in shock, blushing furiously.

"Hey, it's ok! You were out of it at the time, almost asleep. It's fine." Dean promised, putting a hand on his shoulder softly.

"I'm gonna go get a shower, and then we can go out and see how the weather is. If we can drive, maybe we can go on a hunt-" Dean started.

"No! I..." Cas stopped shyly.

"Or... We could go to the store." Dean added in cautiously. He slowly got up, smiling at him, and headed towards the bathroom.

"Dean, wait, I... I was wondering if..." He stopped short, trying to think of how to ask.

"What is it Cas?" Dean asked curiously, seeing the bashful look on his face.

"I-I know that Christmas is generally a celebration of the birth of Jesus... And it seems strange to celebrate when I know my father has left me... But... I was hoping... We could celebrate Christmas... For a different reason..." Cas muttered, standing and looking at him shyly, yet still hopeful.

"Well, what reason is that?" Dean asked chuckling.

"I-It's my first human Christmas..." Cas admitted.

"Yah... I like that... That sound fun... Lets do it. We'll go out later and buy some supplies and a tree." Dean smiled. Cas nodded, smiling slightly, and ran downstairs to look outside.

"Sam! Dean says we can have Christmas! Will you help us?" Cas asked hopefully. Sam looked up from the chair he was sitting in, beside a girl with the laptop, who Cas had never met. Which made him panic. He hadn't known he was shy, but apparently he was, because when she stood up, he charged up the stairs and ran into the bedroom, slamming the door and locking it. After a minute or two, Dean came out of the bathroom with jeans, a green t-shirt, and a green over shirt.

"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean asked quickly, crouching down towards him. He had gotten into the shower and rinsed off, washing his hair quickly, and was finishing rinsing off when he heard the door shut.

"T-There's a stranger downstairs... She tried to come towards me-" Cas stuttered, swallowing nervously.

"Ok, what did she look like?" Dean asked quickly, grabbing the gun off the side table. Before he could do anything though, he heard a knock on the door.

"Dean? You in there? It's Charlie. Sam called me for help getting Cas a new identity, but I think I scared him." She admitted. Dean face-palmed and put the gun down, then ushered Cas off the floor, opening the door.

"Charlie, hey, sorry about that. He's a little shy." Dean admitted.

"It's cool, and by the way, congrats on the hook up." She smiled, pointing towards Cas.

"What- no- I'm not- he isn't- no!" Dean stuttered. Cas looked over towards her, now knowing she was safe, and held out a hand towards her. She took it gleefully, then did a strange symbol with her fingers.

"What, you've never see this?" She asked in shock. He shook his head in shame, feeling bad that he didn't know about it.

"It's a Vulcan- you know what- we'll watch the movies later." Charlie laughed. Cas nodded, squinting and using his head-tilt, then held up his hand in the air questioningly, copying her. She smiled gleefully, making his grin with pride.

"Ok, so what did you mean about a new identity?" Dean questioned.

"Well he needs a middle and a last name, a normal birthday, a medical test, he needs to know what he's allergic too, all that stuff. So I went into Jimmy Novak's identity and changed the name to Castiel Novak, but I need a middle name still. Also, you may want a new birthday or something." Charlie told him. Cas nodded and walked downstairs, with Dean and Charlie following.

"I would like to change my name to and my birthday." Cas announced. Dean looked at him, and finally they all sat down.

"Well what birthday do you want?" Charlie asked curiously.

"September 18th." He said almost immediately.

"Why that day?" Charlie asked, typing on the computer.

"That was the day I met Dean... And if I hadn't met Dean then I wouldn't be human... So I thought it was a good day for my birth as a human." He smiled. Dean blinked in surprise, but didn't say anything.

"Well, what about the name?" Sam asked, trying to hide the smile.

"I-I'm not sure..." He admitted.

"Winchester. He's a Winchester." Dean said quickly.

"I-I'm... I'm a part of your family?" Cas asked in surprise. Dean looked over, blushing and not making eye contact.

"Well... Yah... If you want..." Dean muttered, trying not to get any funny looks from them.

"I-I would appreciate that..." Cas answered finally.

"Ok... And this says your middle name is... Dmitri... Is that ok?" Charlie asked, trying to change the subject. Cas nodded, smiling to himself as he thought of his name. He was just about to ask when he should be ready to leave, when Dean stood up and told them to get ready to go shopping. He said he would go check on the snow.

"Uh- hey Dean? Kevin just texted, said something's wrong with Crowley, I think we should go." Sam said quickly. Charlie grabbed her bag, and stood by the door. Sam got up too, and stood by her to wait. Cas ran upstairs and grabbed his new casual outfit; a pair of dark almost-black jeans, a white dress shirt, his trench coat, a black jacket, a pair of dark laced shoes instead of the fancy work shoes, and his blue tie, which he couldn't seem to live without.

"Everyone ready?" Dean asked, pulling on his jacket and opening the door for them. Thankfully the snow was reduced to slush, and they all loaded into the impala. Charlie got in her new car, a yellow punch-buggy, and they all headed to the church.

* * *

"Kevin?! What's wrooo..." Dean dragged out, staring in shock. Crowley was laying in his chair, which was tipped over, with Kevin right beside him, shaking his shoulders.

"He just went crazy! Started blabbering about hurting and then he passed out!" Kevin explained quickly.

"Alright, back up and show me the tattoo, you're really close to him and it's a precaution." Dean said sternly. Kevin pulled his collar back, showing the tattoo, and he nodded in satisfaction.

"Dean? Is he... Is he human now?" Cas asked quietly.

"I don't know!" Dean snapped, trudging angrily towards him. Sam followed, crouching down with Dean to examine him.

"Well, he's got a pulse, and he's breathing, so he's alive-" Sam stopped, yanking back he's hand as Crowley's eyes snapped open.

"Don't hurt me- just stop- please just stop..." He begged, his words slurred.

"He needs help." Sam told them, seeing the bruised and cut face.

"But he's not human! He can't be! And even if he was why should we care?! He tried to kill us! Why don't we just leave him to rot?!" Dean yelled. Kevin and Charlie had backed up to the door, watching what happened, but Cas was getting angry about how Dean was acting.

"Stop it!" Cas yelled, the anger evident on his face.

"Cas what's wrong?" Sam asked quickly, trying to comfort him, but he pushed past until he was face-to-face with Dean.

"Did I ever try to kill you?!" He asked angrily, making Dean more upset.

"Yes! Multiple times!" Dean yelled back. Cas got closer, lifting the chair and sitting Crowley's upright.

"And did you leave you to rot?!" He asked even louder.

"No! But he's-" Dean tried.

"What Dean?! He's what?! Because he's just like me when I was possessed by the leviathans! And you tried to help me! You didn't leave me to rot!" Cas snapped.

"Well maybe I should have!" Dean yelled, making everyone gasp. Cas blinked in surprise, backing up with a hurt expression. Even Crowley froze with a shocked look on his face.

"Wait- Cas- I didn't-" Dean stopped, realizing what he had just said.

"Don't..." Cas whispered, backing up and running towards the door.

"No- Cas wait!" Dean yelled chasing him and putting a hand on his shoulder. But Cas had learned to fight. He grabbed the hand and twisted as hard as he could, making Dean wince and twist with it. That's when he kicked his legs and knocked him on his back, and kicking his side, knocking the air out of him. Before Dean could move again, Cas bolted for the door, pushing past Charlie and Kevin and running out the church doors. He ran as fast as he could, running until he was out of sight from the church, running until he was far into the woods, and stopping when he found a cabin. It was tiny, broken down, and the wood was rotting, but there was a smell of fresh burning wood from inside. He slowly walked up on the porch, and cracked the door open just enough to see inside. That was when he saw it.


	5. Chapter 5

Just as he was opening the door, he saw the figure in the corner. It was his brother and sister. Gabriel and Anna. They were huddled together in the corner, trying to hide from him.

"Gabriel? Anna?" Cas asked quietly, stepping inside and shutting the door.

"Castiel?" Anna asked quietly, her voice rough.

"It's me- I thought you were dead!" He said in astonishment, running forward and helping them both up. But Gabriel slumped back to the ground limply.

"We both woke up together, we must have been brought back, but when we found out we were powerless, we came towards Kansas and found this place. We were going to keep going, but then he got sick, and now he won't stay awake and when he is he just keeps coughing. I think it's just a cold, but I'm not sure." Anna explained. Cas finally made a decision, but he didn't like it.

"Run as fast as you can away from the side of this house. Keep going until you find the small church, there will be cars waiting." Cas said, sadness and anger in his voice.

"What about you? Can't you go get-" Anna started.

"No! I never want to see them again!" He yelled, hoping to convince himself. Anna nodded, running as fast as she could put the door. Soon he heard footsteps, and that's when he ran out the door, just quick enough to not be seen. He scrambled up, putting a foot on the small window frame, and his hand in the gutter, and climbed up until he was on the roof.

"Castiel?" Anna yelled, looking around. Dean burst in next, followed by Charlie and Sam.

"Gabriel? Wake up! It me, it's Sam, come on and get your ass up!" Sam begged, shakily his firmly. Finally he sat up with a groan, clutching his head and stomach.

"Gabe? It's me, it's Sam, we found you, you're gonna be ok now." Sam promised, lifting him up to carry him out the door. Anna followed, but he didn't see Charlie or Dean exit. After a few minutes, he heard Charlie's quiet voice.

"He'll come back..." Charlie said quietly, trying to soothe him.

"No he won't... I-I blew it Charlie... I don't know why I said that- it just came out! I didn't mean it-" Dean choked out, trying to keep from breaking down, but failing when a tear fell down his face. Cas blinked in surprise when he heard a muffled sob come from inside.

"I know it hurts... But I'll find him ok? I just... I feel like he's still around... He found Anna and waited until we came to run... He's around here somewhere... Go back to Sam while I look ok?" She asked softly, rubbing his back.

"It doesn't matter. He'll never forgive me." Dean said flatly, standing up and leaving. Charlie told him to go ahead, saying that they should go back to the bunker, and that she needed to put out the fire, and once he was gone, she walked outside.

"I know you're up there Cas... And I know you're hurting... But you need to come back... You don't have to talk to him... Just come back..." Charlie told him. She gingerly picked up a shovel from beside the house and started digging, getting a pile of the wet dirt, and taking it back inside, throwing it on the fire. She waited until it was out, before walking back outside. Finally Cas relented and climbed down, seeing the sad face of Charlie. Without even thinking, he launched himself towards her, hugging her and falling to the ground in tears. Just as she got him calm, they turned to find Dean standing in front of them.

"Dean! I told you to go back!" Charlie snapped, looking at Cas, who looked nothing short of heartbroken.

"Cas- I'm am so sorry... I can't... I don't know why I said those things... I was just mad, but I didn't mean it! It just came out and- God dammit! You know I'm not good at this! What I'm trying to say is that- I don't even know what to say... I know I crossed the line... But I didn't mean a word of it... I just got upset and-" Dean stopped as a gust of wind blew a leaf onto his face. Before he could say anything, Charlie let out a choked out laugh. Cas looked at her and could tell that she was doing her best not to laugh. Slowly he broke into a tiny grin, and when the leaf fell off Dean let a small smile onto his face.

"Do you forgive me?" He asked, now suddenly serious, but was shocked when he charged forward and hugged him. Dean slowly wrapped his arms around Cas, while Charlie stood back and smirked.

"Cas- I am so sorry-" dean started, pulling back to look at him, still not sure what to say.

"I-I know you are..." Cas said quietly, pulling him into another hug. Dean smiled into his hair, then suddenly pulled back.

"Dude just Han Solo'd me!" Dean yelled happily, starting to laugh. Charlie joined in, laughing as they walked back towards the car.

"I... What?" Cas asked slowly, confused by their attitude. By the time they got back to the car, they realized that the others hadn't left.

"Hey Dean? I'm gonna stay back at the bunker with Gabe and Crowley. I called Garth, so I'll have help, but I say you should just go with Charlie, Anna, Cas, and Kevin, to go shopping. I figured if you guys had made up, you could go and get a tree and stuff, and when Gabe was feeling better, we could all go out and buy each other presents." Sam said, helping buckle Gabriel into the passenger seat of the impala.

"You're letting Crowley out?" Cas asked quietly. Dean looked over with a faint smile.

"You were right... He's one of us now..." Dean said slowly.


	6. Chapter 6

It was just around 3:00pm. Cas, Dean, Anna, Charlie, and Kevin, were all in target, looking for clothes. Anna and Charlie had gone to find clothes that would fit Anna, and had come back with a red dress, three jackets, four pairs of jeans, and four shirts. They also had a jacket, a bunch of t-shirts and four sets of jeans in Crowley's size. Later they met up with Dean, Cas, and Kevin, who had gotten Cas more clothes and things. They got him a hairbrush, a toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, a white t-shirt, socks, and a blue sweater with a snowflake pattern across the chest and back.

"Ok, now that that's done, can we go get the decorations?!" Charlie begged. They laughed as they drove back towards town, to a Walmart, and walked inside. Cas' eyes widened in shock. Charlie quickly dragged Kevin and Anna away, picking out tinsel, red ball ornaments, and mistletoe, much to Deans disgust.

"Dean? Shouldn't we have a tree for this?" Cas asked, tilting his head.

"Yah, come on, lets go look." Dean ushered him. It took a while, but Cas finally spotted one he liked. A Green one, with white blinking lights, and thankfully it was about 3 feet taller than Sam. They bought it, along with cold medicine and a bag of lollipops for Gabriel, and after tying the enormous box onto the roof of the impala, they drove, slowly, back to the bunker.

* * *

"Sam?" A drowsy Gabriel called, sitting up in the bed. He remembered being carried, opening his eyes, seeing who he thought was Sam, and then he woke up here. He was about to get up and check to see where he was, when the door cracked open.

"Gabe? You awake?" Sam asked, walking into the room. Gabriel went wide-eyed, staring at Sam.

"Sam... It's you..." He whispered, starting to get up from the bed, but he got dizzy, and started to fall over.

"Whoa! Easy there!" Sam said quickly, grabbing him arms and lowering him to the bed again. Sam slowly sat down beside him, knowing Garth would call him if there was any trouble from Crowley.

"Sam..." Gabriel whispered again, staring at him in shock, then grabbing his head in pain.

"Yah... It's me... Dean is out, but he'll say hi when he gets back. You need to stay and rest." Sam said, starting to get up, only for him to pull Sam back down.

"Gabriel- you need to sleep." Sam insisted, trying to get up again.

"I can't..." He admitted.

"Why not?" Sam asked carefully.

"I'm human Sammy... I keep having these dreams and I just... I want... I mean I need... I want... I'm lonely... And I was wondering if... You would... Maybe..." He stopped, trying not to phrase it wrong.

"I missed you too Gabriel..." Sam said quietly, blushing as he stood up.

"One minute, I'll be right back." Sam said quickly, opening the door and going to tell Garth he was busy. Sure enough, he came back quickly, holding a cup of water, a pill bottle, and a box of chocolates that he had gotten from Charlie last year, after announcing that 'just because I'm gay doesn't mean I can't give chocolates to boys', but he hadn't eaten them because of the whole dying thing.

"You got me chocolates?" Gabriel asked quietly, smiling at him in shock.

"Well- I didn't- I mean- they're mine- but I'm giving them too you." Sam blushed, trying to shut up.

"Thanks..." Gabriel muttered, bowing his head and blushing, taking the pills first, and then picking up the heart shaped box. Carefully he picked up one of the chocolates, but then picked another up and handed it shakily to Sam. Him fever hadn't gone yet, so he was still cold.

"You ok?" Sam asked, eating the chocolate as he ate his.

"I-I'm fine kiddo, I'm just a little cold." He admitted, pulling the blankets up closer to his chest.

"Well you still need to rest. I don't wanna get your cold, so I'm gonna back up, but if you want, I'll stay in the room until you fall asleep." Sam offered shyly. Gabriel nodded and put the chocolates or the table, then sank down into the bed. Soon he's breathing evened out, but Sam still didn't leave. He didn't want to admit it, even to himself, but Gabriel looked almost... Sweet when he was asleep. Cautiously he tip-toed over, running a hand over his head and brushing back a strand of the long golden brown hair.

"I'm still awake." Gabriel muttered, smiling cheekily.

"Oh! Uh- just checking for a fever- I should um- I should go- um- yell if you need anything." Sam said quickly, blushing and running out of the room.

* * *

"Garth! Sam! We're home!" Dean yelled, pulling the box behind him. Cas was holding the other end, while Charlie carried the decorations, and Anna and Kevin carried the clothes and other things.

"Dean! Good! I'll put up the tree, while you go find rooms for all our guests." Sam said quickly.

"Why are you so flustered Sammy? Gabriel got you distracted?" Dean smirked, looking at him grinning.

"Shut up! Just go help everybody!" Sam said angrily, blushing as he tried to hide his face.

"Alright, but we aren't gonna have enough rooms. We have just enough for Garth, Crowley, and Charlie, but then we only have three left, and we're all dudes except Anna.

"I-I'll stay with Kevin. If that's ok with you guys." Anna added bashfully. Kevin looked over stunned, but didn't object to it.

"Alright, well Sam can stay on the couch, and Gabriel can have the other room. I'll sleep on the floor-" Dean started.

"You can stay with me, the floor would hurt your back." Cas said quickly, looking away when everyone looked at him.

"Hey, leave the guy alone! He doesn't know boundaries! But, I'd love to do that..." Dean added quickly, running to help Sam with the tree. Anna, Charlie, and Kevin, went upstairs to unload the clothes and toiletries, while Cas walked to the library. Crowley had been in there since he got to the bunker.

"Crowley? We got you some normal clothes. Would you like to put them on? I can leave the room if you want to change. And we got you a room to sleep in." Cas added. Crowley looked up in surprise, seeing that he was being honest.

"I-I can stay?" He asked quietly.

"Yes... I seem to have convinced Dean that you have been turned for the better." Cas smiled.

"Thank you... Really... Thank you Castiel..." He said quietly. Cas nodded and motioned for him to follow, and after he had picked a few books, he was in his new room.


	7. Chapter 7

"So, why did you want to stay with me specifically?" Kevin asked curiously. Anna tensed, but kept putting away the clothes.

"I-I just think we get along. Plus I think my brothers have crushes on the Winchester boys." She admitted.

"So it's not just me? I thought I was the only one who noticed that!" Kevin laughed, making her smile.

* * *

"Guys! Dinner!" Dean yelled. He made burgers, and soup for Gabriel and Crowley.

"Coming!" Garth yelled.

"Over here!" Charlie put in, coming to the table.

"Anna and I are right here." Kevin added. Garth and Charlie were sitting across from each other, while Anna sat down beside Garth, and Kevin slid up to sit beside her. Next Dean sat down beside Charlie, and Cas sat down with Dean. Sam waited a minute before going upstairs to get Gabriel awake himself.

"Hey Gabe? You up?" Sam whispered, walking in quietly. He smiled lightly when he saw that he was still asleep. The cold medicine had taken effect quickly, breaking his fever and knocking him out.

"Gabriel? Wake up, you need to eat something and Dean made you soup." Sam whispered, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Go 'way... I'm sleeping..." Gabriel muttered, snuggling into the pillow.

"You want me to bring it up here?" Sam laughed, bending down towards his face.

"Hi Gabriel." Sam said in a deep voice. When Gabriel opened his eyes, Sam was right there, face-to-face with him, smiling like an idiot. He jumped back shrieking, falling off the bed, making Sam break out into a fit of laughter.

"Not funny Sasquatch!" Gabriel snapped, although he also broke out in laughter after a minute.

"Come on, we need to go eat. Plus I'll let you help with the tree after." Sam offered. Gabriel smiled gleefully, starting to run towards the door.

"I'm gonna win!" He yelled, running down the stairs.

"You do that!" Sam yelled back, smiling and walking after him with a smirk on his face.

* * *

"Boys, I'm going off to bed, Dean, thank you for the meal." Crowley smiled politely, walking to his room.

"I think I'm going too, night guys." Charlie yawned.

"I'm out too, I shouldn't stay up too late." Garth added, smiling and going to his room. Anna and Kevin both looked at each other shyly.

"I-I think I'm gonna go read." Kevin said quietly, picking up the book he had gotten from the table.

"Wait, is that- I love that book! Can I read it with you? I'm a quick reader so you can just act like I'm not there." Anna added quickly. Kevin smiled bashfully, but nodding and going upstairs with her following. Kevin brushed his teeth, while Anna put on a white t-shirt and light purple pajama pants. Then they switched and Anna brushed her teeth, while Kevin put on black pants and took off his shirt. He was about to put on a dark grey v-neck, when Anna walked back in.

"Oh- sorry!" Anna said quickly, laughing after a minute.

"Uh- lets read." Kevin said shyly, slipping the shirt on and laying in the bed. Anna laid down beside him, but when she couldn't see the book from the angle, they had to move.

"Lets try- uh- here." Kevin said quietly, looking up at her. When she nodded in agreement, he put an arm around her shoulders, and she put her head on his chest. But after a while they both went to sleep.

* * *

"Cas? Wanna help me with the decorations?" Dean asked, sitting down beside him.

"I would enjoy that." He smiled, looking over at Dean. They both got up, moving to the tree and starting to hang the red ornaments on the tree. Meanwhile, Gabriel was excitedly throwing glitter all over Sam, who he had handcuffed to the table leg when Sam bent down to plug in a string.

"Gabriel- I swear- if you don't freakin untie me right now-" Sam stopped when he felt a hand wrap around him. And before he knew it, Gabriel had wrapped him in a strand of lights. Next he tied some tinsel onto the end of the lights, and then wrapped that around, tucking it in.

"Gabriel, when I get out of this, I swear you are so dead!" Sam laughed. But before he could say anything else, Gabriel went with the final step. He threw glitter all over him. His hair, his clothes, and his arms were covered in glitter. Gabriel broke into a fit of laughter, falling on the floor. Carefully he opened the handcuffs, and he helped Sam hop into the living room.

"Guys! I decorated the tree!" Gabriel shouted, plugging in the end of the lights, which were wrapped around his ankles, and plugged it in. Dean fell over in laughter, and Cas picked up a disposable camera, snapping pictures of Sam. Finally Gabriel pulled the end of the tinsel, making the strands of tinsel and lights loosen, just enough that Sam could get out, and Gabriel ran down the hall as Sam chased him.

"You're mine now!" Sam yelled, easily tackling Gabriel to the couch. Dean and Cas stood watching, as Sam and Gabriel both stilled, making eye contact. After a minute, Sam jumped off, and said he was going to take a shower to get the glitter off, then go straight to bed.

"Dean- I'm sorry-" Gabriel started, seeing him get up and walk over to him. Before he could say anything else though, Dean grabbed him in a hug, patting him on the back.

"I'm ok with it. Just don't have sex in the same house as me. Rent a motel room if you're gonna do it." Dean said sarcastically.

"Thank you..." He whispered, wrapping his arms around Dean tightly. After a minute Cas walked up, looking at him questioningly.

"Do you love him?" Cas whispered, making Dean look at him in pure shock. He never whispered unless he was scared.

"I do... I have since I saw him... All those years ago... The boy with the demon blood... But all I could see was a pure soul in him... Nothing bad... And I looked in his eyes and just couldn't look away... And I love him, every bit of him..." Gabriel said proudly.

"What... What does it feel like?" Cas asked quietly. Dean blinked in shock.

"I-I can't explain it... You just... When you feel it... You know..." He smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

"Sam? C-Can I talk to you? Oh! I should-" Gabriel stuttered, seeing that Sam hadn't put on a shirt yet. He had come in after Sam had gotten out of the Shower, so he had on pants, but no shirt, and his hair was still wet and messy. He had rubbed a towel over it, but it just made it look funny. Gabriel stared for a minute, trying to seem confident, but he couldn't take his eyes off Sam.

"Uh- Gabe? You ok?" He asked, amused by his completely guilty face.

"Yah- I-I just wanted to talk about something..." Gabriel said shyly, studying his feet.

"Gabe... What's wrong?" Sam asked quietly, putting the towel down and sitting on the bed. Gabriel gently sat down beside him, nervously rubbing his hands together.

"I-I just... I wanted to..." Gabriel tried, but couldn't fine the words.

"Gabe... Listen... If you feel weird sleeping in the same bed as me I can always go to the couch-" Sam was cut off as Gabriel jumped on him, pinning him to the bed. He still had no shirt on, so Gabriel was just moving on instinct, but before his brain could catch up with him, he was talking.

"I'm so sorry- if you want me to leave I will... But I need to say this..." Gabriel whispered. Sam nodded, still in shock from the way he had jumped on him.

"I-I'm in love with you Sam..." He whispered, leaning down further. Finally, after a minute of silence, Gabriel leaned down and caught Sams lips. He was hesitant at first, but after a minute he responded, moving his lips with Gabriels. After what felt like only seconds, Sam pulled back, moving under the blankets and pulling Gabriel down with him wordlessly. Slowly Sam leaned in this time, kissing him with more force. Gabriel moved his tongue along the bottom of Sams lip, demanding entrance, and after a minute they were full-on making out. Finally Gabriel pulled back, panting for breath, but Sam kept kissing his cheek over and over.

"Sam- what are you doing?" Gabriel laughed, trying to push him off.

"I'm in love with you too... I want to show you that... I've loved you since the first time I saw your big golden eyes... And I never want them out of my sight... I don't wanna lose you..." Sam whispered, kissing him quickly.

"So... Wait, are we dating now?" Gabriel asked suddenly. Sam thought, trying to think of the right name for it.

"So... We call each other partners out on hunts, and when they assume we're dating, we can say were work partners but 'that works too' and kiss each other." Sam mused, smiling at the thought of what someones reaction would be to that.

"So... Boyfriends on break, partners at work, right?" Gabriel clarified. When Sam nodded, he smiled softly, cuddling into Sams bare chest.

"Love you Sammy..." He whispered, starting to doze off.

"Love you too Gabe..." He whispered back, kissing his forehead and putting an arm around him.

* * *

"Dean? Now that dinner is over can we go ice skating again?" Cas asked excitedly. They had all had a nice Chrismas, Cas got a video camera, and everyone else got various things. Gabriel got candy from everyone, Sam got a new book, Dean got a new knife, and Cas got Crowley a pair of fuzzy socks. It wasn't much, but his face lit up when he realized someone actually got him something. Garth, Charlie, Kevin, and Anna had insisted that they didn't want gifts. They were all just leaving, and Anna was going with Kevin and Crowley. Gabriel was staying with them.

"I guess we can go, but we need to be careful. It's gonna be weaker than before. It's all melting." Dean said. Once all four of them were properly clothed, they grabbed the skates and a rope and just in case, and walked out to the lake. After about an hour they were ready, skates on, as Sam was testing the ice.

"Sammy, don't go in the middle if your not sure it'll hold!" Dean yelled. Sam nodded but just as he started to move the ice groaned under him.

"Dean..." Sam said slowly, seeing him getting worried.

"Ok- don't move- I mean it- not even one step. I'll get you out." Dean said quickly. He ran towards the trees, tying the rope to a large one, and running back to the edge.

"Cas, Gabe, you stay there. If we go in, you crawl across and pull the rope." Dean instructed, about to tie the rope around his waist.

"Dean, I weigh less, I should go out there instead." Cas said quickly. He growled but gave in, knowing the urgency, and tying the rope around Cas' waist. Slowly Cas slid out towards the spot Sam was standing, but before he could do anything else, Sam went down, screaming as the ice broke.

"Sam!" Dean screamed, watching Cas fall to his knees and start to crawl across. But as soon as he found Sams hand, the ice broke under him too, and they were both under.

"Cas!" Dean screamed, starting to cry. He immediately did what he had told them to do, crawling across. He saw them under, but they both needed air quickly. He grabbed the rope, pulling as hard as he could, but he needed help.

"Gabriel! Help me!" He yelled. Gabriel grabbed the rope from the shore, and pulled from there, helping with the weight, and finally they popped up, gasping for air and coughing.

"Cas!" He yelled, starting to crawl over, but stopping when Cas put his hand up. Slowly Sam pulled the rope, trying to pull himself out, while Cas grabbed onto Sam.

"Come on Cas, just a little further!" Dean sobbed, reaching for his hand from the safe ice.

"Dean..." Cas whispered, reaching limply for his hand. Finally he grabbed on, and Gabriel pulled the rope to help. Finally they were out of the water, but were freezing and starting the go unconscious from the cold. They pulled the rope until they were on the shore, which is when Gabriel lifted Sam up with Sams arm over his neck, and Dean did the same for Cas, untying the rope. Slowly they made their way back up the hill, but it was difficult from the slick mud.

"Sam, Cas, you gotta stay awake!" Dean pleaded, trying to walk faster.

"I-I'm fine..." Sam shivered, trying to walk with Gabriel. He knew what the cold felt like, but Cas had a new body, and it was overwhelming him.

"Cas! Wake up Cas!" Dean yelled, making him nod, indicating he was. He could see the muscles on his face moving, and finally his lips parted.

"My l-lips and eyes s-seem to be stuck t-together." Cas whimpered.

"It's ok, we're almost back, it'll be ok, just stay awake." Dean said comfortingly. When they got to the bunker door, he laid Cas gently on the ground while he opened the door.

"Put Sam in a hot bath, only a little cold water, just enough to make the water not burn." Dean instructed. Gabriel lugged Sam up to his room, while Dean did the same to Cas.

* * *

"Sam? I'm gonna undress you, and you need to put this towel over your waist." Gabriel said quickly.

"Ok-k..." Sam shivered, letting Gabriel pull off his shoes, socks, jacket, shirt, hat, and scarf. He stopped at the jeans, put a towel over his waist, and pulled him from a sitting position. Slowly he pulled the pants and boxers off in one, keeping his eyes shut in case the towel fell. Sam sat back down, and Gabriel opened his eyes, seeing that the faded red towel was still on. He quickly turned on the hot water to full blast, and then the cold water just enough so it wouldn't burn him, before pushing down the drain and lowering Sam in with the towel still on.

"You'll be ok now... You'll be fine..." Gabriel soothed, running a hand through his cold hair.

"God you're freezing!" Gabriel yelled, running to their room. He pulled out a pair of navy blue swimming trunks, took off his pants, and slid them on over his boxers. Then he stripped off everything else and ran back to the bathroom, putting the 'do not disturb' sign on the doorknob and shutting the door behind him. He slowly walked over to the tub, looking over to make sure the towel was still there, and lowering himself in. The water was hot, but he moved so he was covering Sams body instead of moving away from the heat of it.

"G-Gabe, what a-are y-you doing?" Sam shivered.

"Trying to warm you up." He said plainly, laying out over Sams chest and dipping his fingers in the water, then running them through his hair.

"You're gonna be ok Sammy..." He promised, kissing his chin.

"Isn't t-there any w-way to warm up f-faster than t-this?" Sam whined.

"Well... There is one way..." Gabriel smirked gleefully.

"W-What are you talking about-" Sam sucked in a breath as Gabriel trailed his fingers down his chest. He moved lower, but not before circling around Sams nipples.

"G-Gabriel- no- I-I don't want to- I was j-just kidding-" Sam stuttered.

"Why not?" Gabriel asked quietly.

"Because... I-I've... I-I'm not r-ready... And I've n-never really..." He tried, but could admit it.

"You've never... Been with another guy?" Gabriel whispered.

"Yah..." Sam admitted, shutting his eyes in shame.

"Sam, look at me..." He said quietly. After he opened his eyes, Gabriel kissed his nose.

"I don't care about that... We can go slow ok?" He promised, more of a statement than a question. Sam nodded thankfully, them sunk further into the warmth of the water, and the warmth of Gabriel against him.

* * *

"Cas? You need to let me take off your clothes-" Dean pleaded.

"No!" Cas yelled, curling tighter into a ball on the floor.

"Why not?! You're gonna freeze if you keep em' on!" Dean said angrily.

"I don't care! I don't want you to see me without clothes!" Cas yelled desperately.

"What... Why not?" Dean asked quietly, turning on the water and plugging the drain.

"Because... I don't... I don't... I don't like myself..." He muttered, starting to shiver violently.

"You know what- just take of the layers ok? You can leave on your pants and shirt." Dean relented. Finally he pulled off the jackets and other items, but when he got to the pants and shirt Dean realized he shouldn't wear those either.

"Ok, take those off, there too thick and might make it worse." Dean said quickly, trying to help when he started to shake.

"You'll laugh at me..." He whispered, looking down in shame.

"What? No I won't Cas! Besides, you've slept in only boxers before right?" Dean asked sarcastically, but when he shook him head, he thought back and realized it was true, he hadn't ever been down to one layer before.

"Cas... You'll freeze if you don't... Please just take them off..." Dean begged. Finally he pulled the pants and shirt off, and looked at Dean in shame. Although Dean was staring at him. He knew Cas wasn't all bone and pale skin but damn, he looked hot. Just enough fat to make him look not overweight, and not starved, but a six pack like no ones business.

"Please stop watching me Dean..." Cas whispered, shivering violently.

"Cas... Why are you being so... So self conscious? You look great..." Dean assured him, then lifted him and put him in the water, silently trying to decide if he should make up an excuse and say he was washing Cas' hair while just running his fingers though his hair.

"Dean? Can I ask you something?" Cas whispered, looking over at him. Dean nodded and he watched him hesitantly, before finally beginning he had to say something.

"Why am I not dead?" He whispered, sounding in pain. Dean blinked in surprise, and pulled his hand out of the water to hold it in both of his.

"Cas, don't you ever say that, you're alive because you should be." Dean said sternly.

"But... There are so many others that are so much better than me... And I keep coming back..." He whispered, still shivering.

"Don't say that... I need you..." Dean whispered, absentmindedly running his thumb over Cas' hand.

"I'm just your sidekick Dean..." He said sadly.

"And I love having you by my side..." Dean said immediately, trying to comfort him.

"But I'm nothing... I'm just another mouth to feed." Cas insisted, looking away from him.

"No, you're not, you're my friend and my hunting partner and... My family... And you're so much more than that..." Dean said quietly, blushing and shyly looking away.

"Dean? Can I get out now? I would enjoy going to bed after all that has happened today." Cas chuckled.

"Yah, sure buddy, get up and I'll- YOU- you will dry off- and- yah- I'm gonna go to the room." Dean said quickly, leaving the bathroom and flopping down on the bed.

"Dean? May I borrow some dry clothes from you?" Cas asked shyly, walking in with the towel around his waist. Dean visibly swallowed in nervousness and quickly pulled out his old acdc t-shirt, some clean boxers, and black sweat pants, and before he knew it they had both brushed their teeth and were getting in his bed.

"Dean... I'm still slightly cold..." Cas lied, pulled the blanket towards him. Dean knew he was lying but didn't comment on it as he put his arm around Cas, and pulled him closer.

"Guys? You awake?" Gabriel whispered, opening the door and tiptoeing in.

"We were trying to be." Dean muttered, getting up and pulling Cas with him.

"There are meteors! Wanna see?!" Gabriel, literally, bounced.

"Sure, although... I've never seen them..." Cas admitted.

"Me neither! Lets go!" He said enthusiastically, running downstairs. Dean just chuckled and followed him, but when they were both outside, Cas jumped back in fear, and screamed, trying to get back inside, but Dean held him back. Gabriel stopped and froze, backing up into Sam and trying to tear his eyes away from the flashing sky.

"Cas?! Hey, look at me! Cas!" Dean yelled, making him scream again and try to get away.

"Gabe? What's wrong?" Sam asked quietly, turning him so he could see his face, but was shocked when he did.

"You're crying..." He whispered, pulling him into his chest, and rubbing his back when he started crying.

"Angels..." Was all Gabriel could choke out.

"Ah- Cas- I am so sorry!" Dean said quickly, pulling the sobbing bundle into his arms. But before he could properly comfort him, he screamed again as a large one hit the blinking atmosphere and made the sky light up again.

"Alright, this was a bad idea, lets go inside." Sam said quickly, pulling Gabriel inside the bunker.

"Cas, come on, time to come inside, it's cold anyway, come on." Dean said quietly, trying to get him up. He was surprised when instead to yanking away from his touch, Cas jumped on him, hugging him as tight as he could.

"I-It's ok..." Dean said softly, rubbing his back.

"Don't let 'em get me..." He heard him whimper from in his shoulder.

"It's ok, it's not angels, it's just the meteors, nothing else." Dean promised, although Cas didn't stop sobbing violently.

"I'll protect you Cas... I promise... Castiel, as long as I breathe, you'll be safe, you understand? I would rather die than let you suffer from anything, you understand?" Dean said sternly, more of a statement than an actual question. Cas nodded numbly and looked at him through half closed eyes, still crying but slowly calming down until he could move inside.

"Sam?" Dean whispered into Sams room, hearing noise from the computer playing some movie.

"It's ok Dean, I'm fine... I'm sorry I freaked out... I didn't know they would look like that..." Gabriel said quietly, sucking on a lollipop.

"It's fine, I think we're gonna head to bed, see you guys tomorrow." Dean said quietly, pulling along a sniffling Castiel with him.

"You gonna be ok?" He whispered as he laid Cas down on the bed. He nodded silently, and once Dean had laid down too, he put his head on Deans chest.

"I too apologize for getting upset..." He said quietly, balling his hands into fists on Deans shirt.

"Hey, you don't need to apologize. I know how traumatic it can be to... Relive it..." Dean said quietly.

"What do you mean by that?" Cas asked innocently.

"Well... I'm gonna tell you something I haven't told anyone else before, not even Sam... When I was around 17, me and little Sammy had to go to school between trips, and one day... I got detention. It's where you have to stay after school hours and sit in a room studying or working silently for an hour or more. But... A group of kids tried to play a prank by setting off a sparkler, and it caught something on fire... And we got locked in... And the fire... It was on the ceiling and it... I started having a panic attack... They couldn't find me... My dad had to get past the firemen and go in himself, and he found me in the classroom huddled in the closet screaming... He pulled me out and we ran out the back... And once I had calmed down enough to not look like I was crying... We walked from behind the school, everyone cheered, and we told them my jacket was caught and I couldn't get it off, so that's why I wasn't out... But really I was just afraid..." Dean finished, tilting his head up so the tears would settle back in his eyes and not fall. Before Dean could protest, Cas leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"I-I'm sorry... Was I not suppose to do that? I've seen people comfort others by doing that..." Cas lied quietly, blushing and moving so he wasn't touching Dean at all. He had just wanted to try, and before he could stop himself he did. But not he knew he had made the wrong choice.

"N-No, it's ok, I just... Wasn't expecting it..." He said quietly, trying not to smile. But sadly, Cas didn't catch on, and he looked away.

"Oh..." Was all he said before laying back down with his back facing him.

"Hey, don't feel guilty-" Dean tried, but Cas pulled the blanket tighter, and Dean went quiet. He knew he should say something, but he wasn't sure what.

"Goodnight Cas..." Dean mumbled, turning away sadly. Although he made sure their backs were touching.


	9. Chapter 9

**3 months later:**

It had been three months since that night. Dean thought of it often. Sam and him still hunted, and sometimes only him and Gabriel would go out. Sometimes all four of them went, but never just Dean and Cas. Every time he suggested it, Cas shot it down by changing the subject. Sam had taught him how to use the Internet, Gabriel had taught him card tricks and tv channels, and Dean had taught him with hand-to-hand combat. Sam had showed him how to shoot. Overall they were doing ok, but he regretted ever not saying anything. Cas never really smiled after that night, he had turned into his former emotionless self despite being human. Sam and Gabriel had questioned him, but he never answered them. He would always go to the lake back where they went ice skating and he would dig trenches and lay pipes and electrical wires. He even attached a diving board to the 50 foot drop at the top of the drop-off. Sam and Gabriel thought if they ever did stop hunting, they wanted a cabin by a lake, and since this one was right beside the bunker, it would be the best choice. He had finished with the pipes and wires the first day of spring, hooking them to the plumbing and electricity of the bunker, even though they had no idea who paid for the water or lights. Cas had never followed him, but once asked where he went. Even though they didn't talk much about anything anymore, Cas refused to sleep in a room alone. He had tried, but kept having such bad nightmares that he would wake up screaming. Dean always ran in with a sleeping pill and a gun, ready for either problem he was faced with.

"Come on guys! I thought you wanted to go swimming after lunch!" Sam yelled, snapping Dean out of his thoughts about the last few months.

"Here I am, but where's Cas?" Gabriel said, coming to the door with a water gun in his hands.

"I thought he was with you." Dean said questioningly.

"No, he told me he was gonna go downstairs to you." Gabriel said confused. Dean quickly ran upstairs to look for him, and stopped when his hunter instincts kicked in. He felt like something was watching him, hiding from him. He walked away slowly, then jumped back and threw the closet door open. Cas jumped, but didn't seem too surprised to be found hiding with his upper half under his trenchcoat, with the only visible part of him being his legs.

"Cas, what are you doing?" Dean asked sarcastically.

"I'm not going..." Cas muttered, stepping out from under the coat with dark green swim trunks. Gabriel had neon green ones and snorkeling gear, while dean had red trunks, and Sam had dark blue.

"Cas, you gotta come, I want to show you what it looks like thawed out." Dean pleaded. Despite them not talking, they both still had feelings, and Cas still did what Dean said if he thought it would make him smile.

"A-Alright..." Cas gave in, following him slowly down the stairs.

* * *

"Ok, remember, hold your breath and when you hit the water, blow out through your nose and swim up ok?" Sam asked him again. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"I know how to swim Sam, I'll be ok." Gabriel said yet again.

"Dean, you sure this thing can hold two people?" Sam asked warily.

"It can hold one thousand pounds and is attached to rock, it's safe to hold both of you. And its like thirty feet deep, we wont hit the bottom. But if you want me to go first..." Dean smirked, running past them and bouncing on the board, before jumping off.

"Wooo-Hooooo!" He cheered, hitting the water with a splash.

"Dean!" Cas yelled, but breathed a sigh of relief when Dean popped back up coughing.

"That was AWESOME! It's frickin cold, but completely awesome! Hurry it up guys!" He yelled, swimming backwards to give them room.

"Here goes nothing..." Sam said warily, throwing the water gun down to the water, before running and jumping with Gabriels hand in his, yelling when they both hit the water way below.

"Come on Cassie! Don't be a baby!" Gabriel called up. Cas swallowed nervously, and looked over the edge at Dean, who beckoned to him. He knew Dean would be disappointed if he didn't jump, and Gabriel would make fun of him, while Sam tried to get them both to stop. So instead he walked forward on the diving board with fake confidence, and bounced a few times before doing something he knew would impress Dean. He jumped, and then flipped all the way down. He was attempting to dive, but hit the water earlier than he thought he would, and before he had time to suck in a breath, his back hit the water, knocking the little air he had in his lungs out of him. He went down, opening his eyes and only seeing blurriness. He tried to move his hands like he had seen Dean do, but everything hurt and he had no clue how to swim, much less which way was up or down. So he shut his eyes, waiting for the darkness to wash over him, but all he could think about was Dean, as he saw a figure coming towards him.

* * *

"Wait, wait, stop! Where's Cas?!" Dean yelled, making them stop splashing.

"Oh my God, Cas! Gabriel give me the goggles now." Dean instructed. He handed them to him, and swam over to Sam, who was cursing to himself for not noticing. They both huddled together, watching Dean, who sucked in a breath and dove down. He swam quickly, diving down further until he saw a lifeless body near the bottom, eyes flickering shut. He tried to yell but all that came out was bubbles. His ears felt like they would pop, but he kept going, until he was hugging Cas to his chest, and swimming up as fast as he could. As soon as he broke the surface, he swam towards the shore, pulling Cas along with his head on his shoulders. He wrapped an arm around him, as Sam and Gabriel tried to pry him away.

"No! Get away!" He yelled, finally dropping him on the shore.

"Cas, come on Cas, wake up!" He yelled, punching his bare chest.

"Pulse, check for a pulse!" Sam yelled, and Dean did as he was told for once, relieved to find the pulse still going, although he wasn't breathing or moving at all.

"He isn't breathing, what do I do?!" Dean yelled, making Sam jump over to him and drop to his knees.

"You have to do mouth-to-mouth. Hold his nose and I'll punch his chest. Just breath for him when I tell you." Sam told him. Gabriel stood on the other side of them, holding his brothers hand.

"Ok, now!" Sam said sternly. Dean held Cas' nose, and quickly pushed his lips to Cas' mouth, blowing air in.

"And again." Sam said after pushing on his stomach. They continued for five more times before Sam said they were too late.

"No... No were not... No!" Dean screamed, turning Cas onto his stomach and punching his back as hard as he could. He waited for only a few second, then dragged Cas up so that his upper body was in his lap.

"Come on Cas... Come back... Don't be dead... Not yet..." Dean whispered, putting a hand to his cheek. He nearly screamed when Cas coughed, gasping for breath as his eyes shot open. Sam and Gabriel released each other from their grip, staring in shock as he hunched over, coughing up water violently. Dean blinked in shock, trying not to cry, and patting his back so he would cough it up. Sam gently grabbed his legs and lifted them, making more water come out as if he was pouring something from a glass. Finally he stopped coughing, but instead every time he took a breath he sounded like he was just gurgling. Sam put his legs down and Gabriel sat down beside Cas, and Sam sat beside him.

"De-" Cas muttered, before coughing again, so bad he considered taking him to the hospital.

"I-I'm fine Dean..." He assured him. He nodded numbly and put a hand to his cheek, sighing in relief. He stood up and ushered for his brother and Gabriel to help, and eventually they were able to drag him back to the bunker. They laid him on the couch, but he motioned for the bathroom. Gently they lifted him again and moved him in there, while Dean went to the bathroom in his room and got towels and dry clothes for him. Before he got there, Sam found him.

"Hey, he's sick, probably not the best time to go in there. Gabriels gonna bring him out when he's coughed up the last of the water." Sam said.

"Ok... Is he scared?" Dean asked quickly. It was the first time he had ever been sick, it may upset him.

"A little..." Sam admitted. Dean rushed past him, not bothering to change his own swimsuit into dry clothes, and ran towards the bathroom to comfort the human.

* * *

"You ok now?" Dean asked quietly. It had been an hour and he had finally been able to not feel sick looking at the water Dean brought him.

"I'm hungry..." He muttered through the shower curtain, which Dean insisted he pull over so he wouldn't see while he was changing clothes. Slowly he hobbled out, wearing a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. Dean had gone back to his room and gotten a pair of sweat pants and the grey acdc t-shirt.

"Come on, come to the couch and I'll get you some rice and 7-up ok?" Dean said awkwardly. But before Cas could move Dean grabbed him in a hug, pulling him into his chest.

"Don't ever almost die again... I can't lose you... I punched your back and then held you on that beach, and I told you not to be dead, not yet, and you opened your eyes... And you came back to me... But don't ever do that again... It'll scare me too much..." Dean whispered, hugging him tighter.

"I-I remember it... I saw you in the water... And then I heard you... I heard you tell me that... And I opened my eyes... And... I saw you..." Cas whispered, letting a year fall from his face. Dean pulled back, looking at his face and wiping the tear off with his thumb. Cas leaned into his touch, sniffing and getting a grip of himself.

"I'm glad your not dead..." Dean said

quietly, pulling away from him.

"And... I'm glad I came back to you..." Cas said, blushing lightly. Dean blinked in surprise, trying to find something to say, but Cas beat him.

"Wait... Someone had to engage mouth-to-mouth to bring me back... Please do not tell me it was Sam... Or my brother..." He said grimacing.

"No... It was... Uh... I-It was me..." Dean admitted. This time Cas was the one surprised, and turned a bright red, looking away.

"L-Lets go get you some food." Dean said quickly, opening the bathroom door for him. He nodded in thanks and walked through, with Dean following him closely.


	10. Chapter 10

"Sam!" Gabriel screamed, sitting up in a cold sweat.

"Gabe, it's ok, you were dreaming, you're gonna be ok now." Sam soothed, wrapping his arms around the shaking figure.

"But... I'm not... Because you're not Sam!" Gabriel yelled, sitting up again, truly awake this time, in the back of the impala.

"Gabriel, you ok?" Sam asked, pulling him off his chest. They had been on a shapeshifter case, and it had copied Sam to get in on their plan.

"Yah, I'm fine, I'll be fine." He said quickly, trying to calm down. Cas refused to sleep on the way home. He had been face-to-face with a dean copy, and it had told him that Dean would never love him, saying he never did, and always get nervous because he doesn't want to embarrass him. He said that he could prove it was true because the duplicate has the same mind. Later, after killing it, Cas asked Dean about what he had said. About the same mind. And Dean confirmed that it was true, but whatever it had said to Cas wasn't, because it was lying. He wasn't sure, but he still wouldn't tell Dean what it had said.

"Cas? You alright?" Sam asked softly, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Y-Yah... I'll be ok..." He muttered, although he was lying. He wouldn't be able to ever forget that.

"Cas, you gotta talk to me... What's wrong?" Dean asked once they where in the motel room. Sam and Gabriel were already asleep in the other bed, after cuddling to make Dean uncomfortable. Cas wouldn't sleep, saying he didn't want to, and he wouldn't get in the same bed with Dean there too.

"Cas please just talk to me... I wanna know what he said to make you so upset over... Whatever this is..." Dean said slowly, trying to make him talk.

"No Dean... It doesn't matter anyway... Like you said, he was lying. So it doesn't matter. It's just slightly hurtful... But I'll get over it." Cas said confidently, hiding his face from view as a tear fell.

"Cas... Please don't cry..." Dean said sadly, pulling him outside so they wouldn't wake up Sam or Gabriel.

"Go away Dean, just leave me alone." Cas pleaded, and Dean backed up in surprise. Whenever Cas was upset, he usually would seek Dean for comfort, and this was the first time he had ever pushed him away.

"Cas-" Dean tried again.

"I just want some time to think ok?!" He snapped, shaking off Deans hand from his shoulder and moving to the sidewalk outside the motel. Dean watched him in shock, but didn't stop him, which only upset Cas more.

* * *

"Gabriel, get up, I need to talk to you." Dean whispered, shaking him gently.

"What? Dean? Is Cas ok?" He whispered back.

"Shhh, come out to the hall." Dean whispered, as Gabriel got up. Sam had taken sleeping pills when he couldn't fall asleep, and Gabriel had cuddled with him until they were both asleep. Dean knew his brother would not be up any time soon, so he didn't bother leaving a note.

"Dean, what's wrong? It's the middle of the night." Gabriel said quietly, suddenly awake at the horror of Dean wanting his help.

"It's Cas... He's upset... And he's never pushed me away like that... He told me what the shapeshifter said didn't matter and then he just shrugged me off and walked away... I don't know what the thing said but he's upset and... You're his brother... You think you could help me?" Dean finished, waiting for a reaction.

"Yah... Yah I'll help... But where did he go exactly?" Gabriel asked.

"Out there, he's the one behind the impala." Dean pointed. Gabriel nodded and walked outside, but before he could go Dean pulled him back and shoved the angel blade into his hands.

"Just in case we made a mistake... In case that's... Not Cas..." Dean said warily. Gabriel nodded and held it tighter to him, and holding it like Sam had taught him.

"Cassie? That you?" Gabriel asked warily. When he saw Cas huddled on the ground, sobbing into his trench coat, he silently tilted his new cell phone camera towards him, and when Cas looked up and his eyes weren't reflective, he turned the phone off and put the knife down. He dropped down beside his brother, putting his arms around him and rocking him gently. He quietly shushed him, telling him it was ok, and letting him continue to cry.

"Its ok Cassie, whatever made you upset, I'll take care of it ok?" Gabriel assured him, pulling him closer, and rubbing his back until he calmed down enough to talk.

"You were right... I do love him... But he doesn't love me back..." Cas muttered, still sniffling.

"What are you talking about? Who?" Gabriel asked quietly. He already assumed the answer, but he wanted to make sure.

"Dean ok? Yes, I love him... I have since I put him back together in hell... But the duplicate had his mind, and said that Dean doesn't love me... He handed me the weapon to kill him, and said he wanted me to know the truth since he could sense what I felt..." Cas whimpered, breaking out into tears again.

"I'm glad you admit it little bro..." Gabriel smiled, patting his back.

"Please don't tell him! Please! He doesn't need to know..." Cas pleaded.

"I won't, I promise. But it was lying. Dean woke me up and sent me out just because he was worried about you. He didn't get you himself because he was too nervous." Gabriel said quietly, looking over to make sure Dean wasn't outside.

"You know I'm proud right?" He said suddenly, making Cas look up.

"What?" He asked questioningly.

"I'm proud you're my brother... We may not be blood related... We may both be heavens dropouts... We may both be gay for the most hunter brothers on the planet... But I'm proud I can say I'm related to the one that started the fall. Because without it I wouldn't have been able to be with Sam, and Anna wouldn't be with Kevin... And I love you for that little bro... Don't forget that." He said proudly, ruffling Cas' hair. Cas just grinned sheepishly, standing up with him. Slowly they walked back inside, the trench coat wrapped around Cas tightly, and Gabriel yawning.

"Ok Dean-o, here's the kid, I'm off to bed... Night Cassie." He said smiling, going back too the door of the room.

"Goodnight Gabe..." Cas said quietly, surprising Dean and Gabriel from using the nickname.

"Dean, I apologize for the outburst, but I am not upset anymore, and would like to go to bed now." He said confidently. Dean nodded and smiled slightly, leading him inside. Slowly they laid down, Cas' back to Dean, but he was smiling softly. Cas faked a shiver, and Dean looked over towards Sam and Gabe, and seeing them asleep, he wrapped an arm around Cas, pulling him in until his back was against Deans chest and Deans face was buried in Cas' hair. He shut his eyes and Gabriel opened one eye, watching them. Cas did the same and smiled thankfully at him. Gabriel nodded and cuddled into Sam, who turned over and buried Gabriel with his enormous arms.

"Night Cas..." Dean whispered, pushing hair away from his face. Cas hummed in satisfaction and leaned into the touch, and that's when Dean thought of it.

"Don't cry Cas... You don't need to... It's all ok now..." He whispered, kissing his forehead softly, making Cas freeze in shock. But when his brain caught up be blushed, grinning shyly, and nodding.

* * *

"Dean? Can I talk to you?" Cas asked quietly. They were back at the bunker, and Dean had just laid down on the bed.

"Sup Cas?" He asked sleepily.

"I want to try something, but I don't know how you will react to it..." Cas admitted bashfully.

"Ok... Well go for it..." Dean said shyly, sitting up. Gently Cas sat down on the bed, with his legs stretched behind him slightly, and Deans legs draping off the bed. Slowly he leaned forward, making Dean go still, looking at him getting closer. Once they were within two inches of each others faces, Cas stopped, taking a breath, and lightly pressed his lips to Deans. They slowly laid back, Cas' legs laying behind him, and Dean pushed his legs back up, so he was pinned under Cas. After a minute they had to break apart for air, but when Dean went to kiss him again, he pulled away slightly. Gently he leaned their foreheads together.

"I can't Dean... I can't... Unless you promise me I'm different..." Cas whispered, taking in a shuddering breath as he tried to stay calm.

"Different how Cas? That you're a guy? I'm ok with that-" Dean was cut off.

"Promise that you won't leave me." He said quickly, opening his eyes to meet the sparkling green.

"No... I love you Cas, you're not a one time deal, I promise." Dean said quickly, trying to make him stay.

"You love me?" Cas whispered.

"Well... Yah... But I haven't said that since I was four..." Dean admitted.

"I love you too Dean..." Cas said quietly, leaning forward again. They kissed more furiously this time, Dean licking Cas' bottom lip and Cas opening hungrily. Before it could go further, Cas pulled back.

"Dean- I can't- I'm not ready-" Cas mumbled, pulling up from on top of him. His shirt was wrinkled and his hair was ruffled, but his eyes were dilated with fear.

"Maybe later then..." Dean promised. Slowly he pulled himself up on the bed, and pulled the covers over them, before kissing him again.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me Dean Winchester..." Cas whispered, before drifting off to sleep.


End file.
